Questions about Meditation Practice

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2021.11.29 22:59 mjleavitt Questions about Meditation Practice

I have a couple questions about a new meditation practice I picked up recently.
For context, I have both ADHD and PTSD, so when I meditate, it’s difficult to sustain focus and it sometimes triggers overwhelming anxiety. I’ve learned how to use box breathing to prevent panic attacks though, which is good!
I recently begun 10 minutes of daily concentration meditation (5 min in the morning, 5 in the evening: starting small to ingrain the habit). I count my in breaths and out breaths from 1 to 10. If I notice a distraction, I label it as a discursive thought, an image, or a sensation, and then return to 1.
I often feel that when I’m focusing on the breath, I’m not truly present because there are tons of other sensations/feelings/thought I’m ignoring so I can narrow my focus to the breath. It feels antithetical to present moment awareness because most of the present moment is being excluded. Any thoughts on this?
Two other concerns: when I breathe naturally, my breathing usually becomes so subtle that I can’t notice or feel it. Or I can’t tell which is the in or out breath. I restart the count every time before I get to 10 because of this. Is this an issue? How do I improve this if so?
Secondly, I have chronic back pain and so meditation posture (straight spine) is often uncomfortable. When I have PTSD flare ups, my emotions are often overwhelming. And my knees hurt like mad in meditation as well (I sit seiza with a zafu cushion). These sensations/feelings crowd out my awareness, so even when I’m genuinely focused on the breath, they dominate my awareness. When I notice that, I try to shift the spotlight to the breath but they intrude on the spotlight. Should I just continue my practice as is and let these sensations come and go? Or is there a way to refine my spotlight, so these competing sensations don’t intrude on it when the spotlight is on the breath?
Thanks in advance for your help!
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2021.11.29 22:59 Far-Ambassador-2260 UC EC Catagory question

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2021.11.29 22:59 Technical_Buy3736 Can I still practice self pleasure at all or no? (Question about quitting porn)

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